You know those days where you just feel overwhelmed by the world? I know that you do - we all have those days. But how do you cope? Some people like to have a drink or two, or get lost in some sort of Netflix marathon.
Sometimes I just need to be held.
The other day I was having just such a day, when my boyfriend pulled me to him. He is taller than me, so his beard became kind of a pillow for my face. Suddenly, I decided to turn my head and burrow myself more deeply into his chest, and I found myself in a magical new place: the intimate space BEHIND his beard.
It was quite a revelation, really. His beard is black, so it blocked out a lot of the light, but not all. It felt like a dark veil over my eyes. I was able to know that the world still existed beyond it, but that I did not have to partake in it. It was like a fort, or a tent, in which I could hide. My boyfriend takes care of his beard, so it was soft, but textured at the same time, and smelled like some sort of masculine smell that beard oils attribute to men: perhaps it was pine mixed with leather - something bold but inviting.
I also took great comfort in knowing that the special place was a place just for me.
When I was a little girl, I had quite the stuffed animal collection. And back then, they used to sell these triangular-shaped nets that you could hang in a corner and store your toys in, so they were off the ground. One of my parents set up a net like this in the corner of my bedroom. I remember once making some sort of fort out of this corner. I hung a blanket from the net, and laid down more blankets and pillows on the ground within it. I even remember making a little sign out of paper and crayon. It read: My Own Little Corner of The World.
It's nice to know that even as an adult, I can still find these special places. Places that are safe. Places filled with love.